The hardest and best thing I ever did was finally let this sink in…I can only fix me, I can’t fix him nor do I need to!
Believe it or not, this is not going to be a mushy, love story. Although I do have that and I’ll share a little part of how we met later on (listen to the episode to get the deets). THis is the truth. These 4 things keep our marriage strong but we haven’t always done them.
I didn’t actually enter into this marriage with the intent of making my husband more like me or even thinking he needed to change at all. That came later, when things got tough, or I felt slighted or like I deserved more.
I found myself asking the toxic question, “Is this as good as it’s ever going to be?” That question is like a snake bite. It seeps in and poisons the whole thing. It’s a question that hurts and brings up self pity.
Why was I doing this to myself?
I noticed a few things in my life we were doing that were hurting more than helping and so I made it a goal to switch those things.
I did need my hubby to be on board and so we went to a class at church, RE|engage by Watermark Church. We also saw a counselor and made more decisions to be intentional about our marriage, but we’ll get to that later!
IT’S NOT HIM, IT’S ME
First things first. I had to realize that all my self talk was talking about what he needed to do differently in order to make me happy. Buzzer. Wrong.
This way of thinking makes him the issue, he’s not responsible for my feelings, decisions or life. I am. He’s a big part of it and he carries a lot of weight in those areas but responsible? No.
When I started catching myself eternally blaming him I shifted my thoughts to something more like:
-What have I missed here?
-What are his true intentions?
-Where is my hurt really coming from?
When I asked myself and him, these questions I began to discover I had a lot to work on.
I’m no stranger to the couch of a dimly light office with a box of tissues on the side table. This is a place I feel comfortable in and enjoy. I mean, I’m a girl. I get to talk and someone listens. What more do we really want?
But going into one of these rooms with my husband. Let the waterworks begin! I finally feel like I can say all the things I “need” to. All the things I keep bottled up.
Why can’t I say these things in our house, I thought after one session?
I can. I just don’t. I need the guidance of another helper to get me constructive instead of just emotionally gushing. I’ve gotten better about resolution and not just dumping every feeling and emotion out all at once but I still need help and that’s OK.
Marriage counseling is OK. We hire travel agents to book trips, house cleaners when we’re behind, babysitters when we have to go to the OB/GYN. We hire people to do all sorts of things so why not to help us constructively build and strengthen our marriage? Something that we do every single day!
ROUTINES TO STRENGTHEN
Prayer in the AM (instead of around the table or as we’re falling asleep, short scripture and prayer, even if 3 min can bring you closer.
Weekly meetings to communicate (instead of trying to do this on date nights or as you go throughout the week, have a time set up to go over the “plan” and get it out of the way, get you on the same page and keep each other in the loop.
I actually have a few more ways to keep your marriage strong right HERE in this guide! 7 Way to Strengthen Your Marriage! Grab it and see which ones you want to start implementing.
Make sure you listen into this episode to go more in depth as well as hear a little bit about how we first met! Teaser- it involves something coed!!!! :)